The Pauper and The Chadasaur by peterbd
The Pauper and the Chadasaur is a story that happened earlier this year. it involved a down on his luck guy and a prince. after much teaching, the uber-talented prince taught the pauper how to post entertaining shit online. craziness ensued.
one of these guys is the future king of indianapolis, chadasaur, son of chadasaurus rex VI. the other guy is pedro, the cross-eyed, loser son of a beggar and thief. coincidentally, chadasaur and pedro happened to be prolific on the internet at the same time.
pedro’s life online is a hard life in one of the internet’s most destitute areas. he is a fucking pauper. he is forced to scour the internet daily to get his name out there, and he is harshly criticized by his peers if he doesn’t get at least 26 likes on tumblr. pedro desperately wants a better online life for himself. he wants to get his stuff out there but doesn’t want to over-saturate the already cluttered ‘i’m being creative on the internet’ market. right now, all pedro has is his imagination.
chadasaur’s life is the shit and needs no further explanation.
one afternoon, pedro’s imagination leads him out of the internet ghetto, past the annoying wordpress content, and finally to chadredden.blogspot.com, where he literally sees chadasaur being the incredible prince that he is. at the same time, the prince notices pedro because pedro threw a email at him telling chadasaur what a great guy he is. he wrote this email as a fairytale. prince chadasaur’s butler invites pedro into the gchat palace. pedro was excited because he had never even heard of gchat. he was still fucking with aim.
each guy is excited to learn about the other. pedro is impressed by the luxury and the innovativeness that chadasaur has, and chadasaur is impressed at pedro’s freedom to be an internet stalker. chadasaur wants to help pedro get his name out there. pedro is unsure of this, but follows the prince’s lead anyway. he’s still kinda a dumb guy.
they soon decide to join forces secretly. not everyone knows this though and things start to get weird for chadasaur. being in cahoots with pedro is starting to dim his royal brand. the internet all but abandons chadasaur and he somehow ends up in the internet ghettos that pedro lurks in. all this happened because he wanted to help out some pauper. ‘fuck this shit’ says prince chadasaur
in the meantime, pedro is getting his name out there while the prince does all the groundwork for him. at first, he enjoys the luxury of gmail, but he becomes increasingly apprehensive about what will happen to him if what he and chadasaur creates doesn’t resonate with the brethren and sistren of the internet. lady elaine of tinychat talks with him and becomes very perplexed about pedro’s behavior. word quickly spreads that pedro is making something in secret and it might suck ass. every time pedro tries to quiet the noise, it makes everyone around him only more convinced that he’s turning into the lame internet stalker he once was.
to quell pedro’s fears, chadasaur gives pedro a very particular set of skills he acquired over a very long career in the shadows, skills that made him a nightmare to people. if these people didn’t listen to chadasaur, he used these skills to look for them, find them and kill them. he acquired these set of skills from an irish bro named bryan
pedro uses these skills in a group gchat. his nervousness obviously showed, but his behavior is overlooked due to the skills he got from the prince. by the end of the gchat, pedro has the internet people right where he wants them, thanks to chadasaur.
chadasaur does not see any of this because he is painstakingly working on his section of the secret project he’s doing with pedro. he is living in internet filth and is starting to get delusional that he is now a pauper himself. he’s still a genius, but he’s not letting it show as much.
after someone on aim wants to chat, prince chadasaur decides that he’s lived in this squalor for far too long. ‘motherfuck this shit’ says the prince
pedro, meanwhile, is doing his part to appear strong in the face of adversity and hopes he’s making chadasaur proud.
the next two months are strange. pedro completely forgets that him and chadasaur planned to do anything in the first place and begins getting lazy. chadasaur is patiently waiting for pedro to do something but gives him his space. even though he’s a prince, he is humble and let’s people have their space. pedro is just uninspired and needs some inspiration. he goes through old email conversations he had with chadasaur to inspire him. he gains lots of confidence after reading these messages and gets his skills back. with his new confidence (and skills set) pedro emails chad, only a month before the thing they joined forces for is to be completed, and says: i’m about to devote my life to it. chadasaur replies: yes, just do what you want to do the way you want to do it. see what a cool ass dude the prince is?
chadasaur begins going into overdrive with his creations. being on the outskirts of the internet has galvanized his creativity and he’s in the zone. pedro does exactly as chadasaur says and writes the absurd stuff the prince is giving him the freedom to write. things are looking up.
they were fucking things up on the internet and enjoying it. this was a very special time and they couldn’t wait to share what they made with the world.
here is some random shit they said over gmail during their secret creation:
chadasaur: Once I get going it probably won’t be that big a deal if you want to make more pedro: it doesn’t matter chad. i have so many ideas i can write as many more as you want me
chadasaur: i wonder how many are going to die
pedro: i was kinda happy shane got what he deserved
pedro: i also emailed the two things he wrote, so you can do with those what you want
chadasaur:hahahahhahahahaha I love this. very much. i’m hard at work
chadasaur: WTF?!?!?! is this dude seriously fucking with you?
pedro: he sounded serious chadasaur
these are the types of conversations chadasaur and pedro had to pass time. this is how they coped during this stressful/exciting time period.
soon a month passed and it was time for their creation to be unleashed unto the internets. pedro is nervous but chadasaur is as chill as ever. he worked on something he was proud of and helped a destitute internet figure gain popularity. he simply enjoys helping others even when doesn’t have too.
so the creation was finished and unleashed on tinychat. it traveled all over the internet and people gave pedro lots of credit for it. but what people don’t know is that chadasaur is the mastermind behind the whole thing. pedro was a lost, internet vagabond that prince chadasaur, heir to the indianaoplis thrown, took under his wing. without him, pedro would still have his wordpress blog and zero unique views. this is in an inspiring chadasaur quote: hour and five minutes! this is oceans 11 shit or something!. that’s a great fucking quote
chadasaur is truly a special human. he’s back to reigning supreme online and is out of the internet ghettos. his prose is inspiring and his hair is majestic